I Do
by FyeRin
Summary: Dan Howell Imagine. The 6 months leading up to this day was torturous, full of random fits of fretting and panic attacks that got even Phil worried, but now, Dan is ready. At least he thinks he is. "I can sleep now. It's still 4am until I sleep but it's only because I'm on Tumblr, I swear! Definitely not... crying or anything."


**Disclaimer: Dan Howell is obviously a real person, and hence, not among the stuff I can find in my possession. This is purely an imagine, and has no relations to Mr Howell whatsoever. I don't think this needed to be clarified but, meh.**

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**I DO**

After almost half a year, finally, _– finally–_** , **he managed to muster up the courage to venture out of the cocoon that is his bedroom and to go see you. The 6 months leading up to this day was torturous, full of random fits of fretting and panic that got even Phil worried, but now, Dan is ready. At least he thinks he is. His heart is still beating erratically in his chest. His hands are still sweaty from where he was clutching that small ring box inside his pocket.

With a deep breath, he pushed all the excuses he has tried giving Phil before – the weather will turn shitty in a few, he has a Tumblr page he must check – into the back of his head and he stepped out of his home.

The walk to where you would be is slow, almost to the point of being lethargic. He convinces himself that it was because he really is unfit and in dire need of some exercise. But it was really because of how he found the slow walk to be really calming. It was really because he is stalling from seeing you and he knows it. More than anything, it was because by walking really slowly, Dan could see the places that he has been with you over the past 6 years of your relationship. And he finds himself laughing silently.

However, as much as he was stalling, the church where you would be waiting soon came into view. And Dan finds his palms becoming wetter under some unknown heat and the ring inside his pockets seems to have multiplied in weight and is now trying to pull his legs beneath him. And he finds himself thinking _'No. No. NO. This is a fucking bad idea. Go back.'_

But he shakes his head. It has been so long. Too long. So he musters up what's left of his composure and walks up to you, as soon as he saw the shady oak tree just beyond the church.

"Hi, [Y/n]. Sorry I'm a bit late." Dan sends you a flustered smile.

"Okay. **A lot** late, I guess."

Your burial place in the cemetery is plain. There is no extravagant angel statues, no fancy tombstones. There's just a normal marker and your picture. It is incredibly pristine, though; the grass neatly trimmed and littered with white daisies. Your favourite flower.

Dan paid extra to make sure you got a site by the trees. You never did like sunny places because you get sunburns easily. Besides, whenever he visited you at your home, you would always be on the swings underneath a tree, reading or sleeping.

He smiles as he sat in front of your tombstone.

"I've been good. Eating normally now. At least, normal by my standards, anyways."

You remained indifferently smiling and happy, but Dan could imagine your eyes narrowing and almost sarcastically snorting something like _'you lucky bastard with high metabolism and not getting fat even with eight meals a day and shit...'_

"I can sleep now. It's still 4am until I sleep but it's only because I'm on Tumblr, I swear! Definitely not... crying or anything."

The picture of you on the tombstone was taken just two weeks before you died. It shows a beautiful young woman smiling happily with eyes twinkling with excitement and wonder. A gorgeous woman in her early twenties, still full of life if only Dan hadn't been late for their date that day. He had called you and said that he'll be a bit late because he had missed the train. You laughed at the phone and jokingly said that as long as he didn't get his head stuck again and come here decapitated, you'll be fine waiting for half an hour outside the cinema. The movie doesn't start immediately so half an hour wouldn't hurt.

The shootings in front of the cinema reportedly started at 4.05 pm, 15 minutes after that phone call. Paramedics said that [Y/n] died painlessly and instantaneously due to the direct gunshot to her stomach. Dan calls bullshit. Moments later, a lady came up to him saying that she was with [Y/n] during the shooting. She told him of how she tried stopping [Y/n]'s extensive bleeding while [Y/n] bawled her eyes out and cried almost desperately for someone.

_"Daniel, I believe. That's you,isn't it?"_

"I haven't seen you in six months, have I? Ever since the funeral? Sorry, I can't bring myself to come over here. Don't feel sorry for me, though. I'm better now. Feel sorry for Phil who practically had to be like my mum the past six months. You know, if it wasn't for Phil, I'd probably be dead by now. Haha...hah...hm. Not that I'd want to be dead anyways, you probably won't be too happy." he is chuckling by now. Or is he choking? He doesn't know.

"Well, one thing that came out good for Phil after all this, I'm never tardy now. He used to freak out about how I'm always getting ready literally 3 minutes before we have to go. Now, it's like I'm the one ready half an hour before we have to go somewhere. Which is nice, I guess. I never want to be late ever again. Like, **EVER**."

"You know, last week, I finally posted something on YouTube again. Took a while. But whatever. I went back to BBC around... four months ago? The show was really only two hours, so somehow, I managed. Truth be told, I was surprised they didn't fire me, two month absence and shit. Haha."

The weight of the ring in his pocket reminds him of what he wanted to do so he takes it out.

"You know we've been together 6 years, right? Actually, on that day, after the movies, dinner and all that... I-I was actually about to ask you to... um...shit. Be with me? As in marry me? Obviously, I can't marry you now, since that'd be necrophilia," Dan's chuckle was greeted by silence and it fell flat.

"But, I'd like to think that you would if you could."

"Technically, this belongs to you. So, I'm leaving it here. I've always wondered, you know. If per se, I wasn't late that day, I managed to come in time and we entered the cinema in time, would we be in that church over there instead of here? Okay, perhaps not a church. I'm not that religious and you think it's stuffy, but you get my point. You do want to marry me, don't you?"

The silence around him and the wind being his only companion almost makes Dan chuckle to himself.

"And... now I'm talking to a tombstone. Good job, Dan. You actually think some ghostly apparition of [Y/n] would come, wow. Good job," despite his sarcasm to himself, he cannot deny that doing this made him feel slightly better.

"I have to go."

He needs to go. Before the guilt settles in again. Before he starts thinking about the what ifs and the what could have been. Before the mass confusion of thoughts attacks again and points to one conclusion he had only recently managed to repress; _it's because of him you died._

So he leaves quickly. Dan is never really good with goodbyes, anyways. Not with the living, because of his general awkwardness. Not with the dead either, since that is why he almost always leaves his bedroom door slightly ajar in the hopes of catching glimpse of you down the hallway. He knows that is impossible, but he doesn't care.

However, if Dan did not leave in such a hurry, then, maybe he would've felt the slight drops of the sad isolated rain at the tree. Maybe then, he would've seen the scratchy words on the soil near your grave.

_'I do.'_

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**A/N: So... this is a real person fic. Um... yeah. I only write on anime and books. So, I am a bit reluctant to write an imagine:-**

**1. because Dan is a real person and I feel so wrong writing about something or someone that obviously never exist in his life -.-'**

**2. because then I'd feel so guilty if I write Dan and his characteristics wrong and suddenly he becomes over-emo and wtf?**

**But then, because of various reasons (ehm, Tumblr), and I also don't see anyone I can write this on, my inner fangirl told me to just go to hell with it, and now, I am here. Well, he did say he's a prevailer of Internet creepiness so this is me. Being Internet creepy.**

**Thanks.**


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